the Comprehension of Christ
“there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
1 John 4:18
perfect love drives out fear. a statement said so effortlessly yet rich in truths. as a human being, i lack the knowledge of perfect love. i act in fear, wondering when it will all fall apart. knowing deep down the concept of unconditional love exists, perhaps in books and movies but is unobtainable in my own existence. hindered and rendered useless by years of proving myself or working for love, desperate to be loved wholly and honestly, without restraint. yet often times place too much hope and trust in humanity and find myself disappointed when they finally realize i am not enough and the toiling and desperation i had acted in was all in vain. i live in fear. knowing one day they will see through the facade and find me working endlessly to be seen as worthy in their eyes. i do not rest. i do not find peace. i lie awake dreaming that someday they will see me as i see them, imperfect yet worthy.
but there is a man, who died for me without even knowing me. He sacrificed his life for me in the hope that i would one day desire a relationship with him. He acted in complete selflessness. loving me limitlessly. without hesitation. in Him my weary heart finds rest. i don’t have to fear letting myself be loved. i know i am truly loved by him. no matter my short comings. truly unconditionally. i still find myself pushing that love anyway, finding myself unworthy, deeming myself unloveable but it’s my own insecurities and human error that push Him away. I am scared. i am filled with fear. i do not understand his perfect love. i don’t understand why he would choose to pursue and give so much for someone like myself. the voices in my head shout of my failures and my shortcomings. and still, from deep within in the recesses of my soul comes to a gentle whisper begging me to rest in His presence, that i am ok with him. in His eyes, i have no faults. in His eyes i am perfect. He reminds me in the world of His own perfect love. He created the water to reflect the sky so she could be aware of her own beauty. every petal of the flower is crafted with tender artistry. the mountains do not strive to be seen. the thunder feels no hesitation in its voice. the sun is not ashamed of its rays. the trees do not wonder if they are swaying correctly. nature screams the comfort of perfect love. the serenity of eden was not earned, it was given. the world does not tremble in fear it rests, flourishes, and grows encased in the ease of unconditional.
i can not comprehend unconditional love. my heart still beats in fear of being shattered, despite being never fully pieced. yet in my moments of complete despair, when i am drowned by my own voices and can not reach up to grasp desperately for the hand reaching for me, i think of the flowers. they are never punished. they do not labor. hey are unafraid. they grow, they exist, they bring joy, and they reach forever skyward praising and hoping to catch a glimpse of the God of perfect love.
